User:Visigoth

Top 10 Conan Facts (well, 17, but who's counting?)

1. Conan once knifed a man in Argos just to watch him die.

2. The four basic food groups of Hyborians are meat, fruits and vegetables, dairy and bread. The four basic food groups of Cimmerians are drinking, looting, fighting and wenching.

3. Conan is smart enough to know how to read and write, but manly enough to know that such civilized skills are for effeminate sissies.

4. Conan's blood type is O Positively Going To Kick Your Ass.

5. Conan is bigger than Jesus. Proof: Both were crucified. Only one lived to talk about it.

6. Conan doesn't have to kill his enemies. When they see him they fall on their own swords.

7. The story "The Tower of the Elephant" got it wrong. The tower was destroyed when it saw Conan's manhood, decided it couldn't compete, and self destructed.

8. If Conan disembowels a Pict in the woods and there's no one there to hear, it still makes a sound.

9. Conan never has to look both ways when crossing the Road of Kings. In fact, he owns the road.

10. Conan inspires such fear that his victims refer to him as the Grim Reaver.

11. Conan is smarter than Einstein. He was able to reduce the universe to one simple equation: Fire + Steel = Death.

12. Conan doesn't read runestones. He headbutts them until the information enters his brain through osmosis.

13. Conan will make you leave this world the same way you came into it - screaming and covered in blood.

14. In Conan's hands the pen is mightier than the sword. He once decapitated someone with a feather.

15. Conan once punched a guy so hard it caused a Third Cataclysm.

16. Someone was once foolish enough to ask Conan the riddle of steel. Conan responded by riddling him with steel.

17. Conan has the power of time travel. He can punch you into next Tuesday.